My neighbor got remarried. I accidentally called his new wife Kelly. Why didn’t he marry an Emma or a Riley, instead of someone whose name is so close to his ex-wife’s name? Doh!
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Quotation from Bill Cosby
Here lies one whose name was writ in water.
Quotation from the tombstone of John Keats
It is considered good luck if the bride finds a spider in her wedding dress. Sew a small pearl into the bride’s gown and she will cry on her wedding day. If the hem is torn, the wedding will end in death.
Boob Punching (YouTube) Or you could give her another toaster.
Her wardrobe mistress hung herself; the palace gatekeeper cut his throat; the colonel leading the wedding procession collapsed from sunstroke; the stationmaster was crushed to death under the wheels of the honeymoon train; the king’s aide was killed when falling from his horse; and the best man shot himself. After all that, even the cake was in tiers.
Princess Cisterno’s 1867 wedding to the Duke D’Aosta, according to Britain.tv
I hate brain farts, those momentary lapses in memory that come at the most embarrassing times. This is also called maladaptive brain activity, and it affects, apparently, the tongue. As in, I can’t remember your name, but it’s right at the tip of my tongue.
Scientists decode brain farts (MSNBC Health) Up to 30 seconds before your goof, the brain starts acting abnormally.
Oh my god, they’re wearing sandals and socks!
Pictures of men wearing sandals and socks (Sandals and Soxer)
Ten Ugly Socks-and-Sandals Combinations (Listicles: The L Magazine)