I used to love red licorice after my friend Marcella told me red licorice makes your boobs grow.
Everyone knows you can’t see death cooties. Take my word for it, that couch has the biggest, fattest death cooties that ever existed.
Quotation from Janet Evanovich
I hope people realise that there is a brain underneath the hair and a heart underneath the boobs.
Quotation from Dolly Parton
The negotiations have begun. We don’t want to disappoint loved ones, but we don’t want to stress our finances either. If you want that iPod, I get a new camera. What will it take to make you happy?
Three in 10 Americans report a job loss in their household in the past year; among the rest, nearly half are worried about it happening in the months ahead. That makes it an uncomfortable time to spend.
Quotation from ABC News
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
Quotation from Dalai Lama
Oh my god, they’re wearing sandals and socks!
Pictures of men wearing sandals and socks (Sandals and Soxer)
Ten Ugly Socks-and-Sandals Combinations (Listicles: The L Magazine)
I got to sit on Santa’s lap yesterday. I hate being skeptical, but I noticed a walker stashed behind his chair. On reflection, though, I think he was The Real Santa Claus. Who else tells you it’s possible to make diamonds from coal? I believe him.
We were conspirators,
secret actors,
and I kissed you
because I was tall enough.
But that is over.
The era closes
and large children hang their stockings
and build a black memorial to you.
And you, you fade out of sight
like a lost signalman
wagging his lantern
for the train that comes no more.
Poem from Anne Sexton, Santa
It’s going to look sparse under the Christmas tree this year. I already have my gift: a Dell computer. I’ll hang an extra-large stocking on the mantle, in case Santa feels sorry for me.
Scrooge McDuck “Bah! Humbug!” (YouTube.com)
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Quotation from Johnny Carson