“Beeeeee” said the llama. That is very good advice. Just be.

The wife should always avoid the company of female beggars, female buddish mendicants, unchaste and roguish women, female fortune tellers and witches.
Quotation from Vatsyayana, Kama Sutra (Aphorisms on Love) “When love becomes intense, pressing with the nails or scratching the body with them is practised on the following occasions: On the first visit; at the time of setting out on a journey; on the return from a journey; at the time when an angry lover is reconciled; and lastly when the woman is intoxicated.”

Sex is better when you can think of more things to like about someone than things you don’t like. It helps if the things you like aren’t all superficial.

The less you talk, the more sex you will get.
Ryan, 30, as quoted in Glamour Magazine, 101 Ways to Have the Best Sex of Your Life

My grandmother told me, ‘He should love you more than you love him.’ Two years and a bad breakup later, I realized that dating someone I loved less was an exercise in mind-numbing boredom.
Ruthie, 31, ibid.

Face it: Wooing is out, Woo Woo is in. Courtship in America ended somewhere between the time the television shows The Brady Bunch and The Love Boat were cancelled.

One good idea would be to invite the Pisces lady to your home to show her your aquarium. You should start your seduction process when she is engrossed in seeing fishes in your aquarium. Give her a kiss on the shoulders and this will automatically lead her to your bedroom.
Quotation from “Seduction by Sun Signs” (TheSecretsofSeduction.com)

A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classical music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.
Quotation from a Personal Ad (DateHookup.com)

Food is seduction. Prepared with fresh ingredients and some imagination, it excites the senses and engages the mind. Food is the ultimate foreplay.

Never trust a woman who doesn’t like to eat. She is probably lousy in bed.
Quotation from Federico Fellini

“Nice cookies.”
Attribution Unknown

How to tell the difference between a woman and a banana: 4) Bananas give off ethylene gas. 3) The average erect banana is five to seven inches long (near-sighted), but subject to premature spotting and peeling. 2) It’s a known fact that women live longer than bananas. 1) Most bananas are picked green and never properly ripen.

Question: What does the idiom “going bananas” mean?
Answer: Going crazy, losing your mind. A lack of mental stability. To go bananas is symptomatic of doing irrational things, a lack of reason.
Quotation from Answers.com

Nuclei can decay by positron emission; they may also decay by electron capture, so I’ll try to be positive for you. A life in equilebrium is a happy life.

Gravitation naturally does not exist for this observer. She must fasten herself with strings to the floor, otherwise the slightest impact against the floor will cause her to rise slowly towards the ceiling of the room.
Quotation from Albert Einstein, The Equality of Inertial and Gravitational Mass as an Argument for the General Postulate of Relativity

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Quotation from Carl Jung

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you’re pouring or drinking.
Quotation from Bill Cosby

A lonely lake, a lonely shore,
A lone pine leaning on the moon;
All night the water-beating wings
Of a solitary loon.
With mournful wail from dusk to dawn
She gibbered at the taunting stars—
A hermit-soul gone raving mad
And beating at her bars.
Poem by Lew Sarett, The Loon

Sex Drive 101: Do you think courteous drivers make better lovers?

My favorite use of condoms was in ‘Montana Sky,’ when Tess goes to seduce Nate at his desk and he’s kind of like, ‘Well, you know, I’m not prepared,’ and she pulls out like twenty of them, and he doesn’t know whether to be flattered or afraid.
Nora Roberts, as quoted in The New Yorker magazine

I am the very pink of courtesy.
Quotation from William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Why do politicians make the worst decisions?

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford: Mistress is ‘soul mate,’ but I want to fall back in love with wife (New York Daily News)

I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details…
Quotation from Governor Mark Sanford, written in an email to his “soulmate” Maria Belen Chapur

He was writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids.
Quotation from Jenny Sanford, on her husband’s mysterious “disappearance”

I hate Gwyneth Paltrow. I just saw her in the film Two Lovers. She gets more beautiful with each passing year. It isn’t fair. She mustn’t have a worry in the world.

Gwyneth Paltrow Has No Real Friends (Gawker.com)

I have worn steep heels
and a dress too tight
I have pressed my life
against sharpened things
and bled sentences
and shed innocence
like unwanted skin
Lyrics from Noe Venable, Woods Part of When