For the next couple of weeks, I am re-releasing some old comics from a few years ago at the rate of one-a-day until July 1st.

1. Kansas. In 2008, I went to Kansas to visit my husband’s family.
2. The Sunflower State. I didn’t know what to expect. It was everything I had expected and more– including a tornado! Stay tuned.
3. What’s in Kansas? Kansas was a complete unknown to me.
4. Tornado Alley. I knew Kansas was famous for tornados, I just didn’t really expect to be in one.
5. Cawker City: Home to the World’s Largest Ball of Sisal Twine. The day started out, um, normally…
6. Rain Tornado. A rain tornado is one you can’t see, because of rain and darkness, until it hits you.
7. Tornado Shelter. The more doors you can put between yourself and the tornado, the better.

I have to wonder, though: What sort of person becomes a butt doctor? I’ve met thousands of people in my lifetime and never once has anyone told me their life’s dream is to be a Rear Admiral. I can understand the desire to be a brain surgeon or somebody that can restore eye sight; I can’t imagine wanting to be up in somebody’s business.
The thing that scares me is– if they go far enough into the colon, through the stomach and past the esophagus– they might eventually find my head. Oh oh.

YouTube video of Katie Couric’s colonoscopy.

Dr. Kylie Johnson’s MADtv colonoscopy. “Alright, Robin, to the batcave!”
“Roll up the windows, kids, we’re going to pass a farm!”

A whistleblower is one who exposes wrongdoing in their workplace. Things don’t usually go well for whistleblowers. They get branded as “troublemakers” by their employers, or worse. Canadian Duncan Edwards reported a strip club breach of security by his Defence Minister employer and was fired for his diligence. Iranian doctor Ramin Pourandarjani died of “salad poisoning” shortly after reporting the use of torture against political prisoners by his government. Christoph Meili, the bank guard who reported the destruction of Holocaust victim’s savings records by UBS bank, had to be given political asylum in the United States after Swiss authorities attempted to arrest him. Being a whistleblower is not an easy decision to make.

Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It’s how we made all our money.
Quotation from television character Andy Bernard on The Office

It was a crisis of conscience. I had to be cognizant of what could happen to my family as well as to me. I was confident I wouldn’t be able to get a job in a corporation again, certainly not in the insurance industry.
Quotation from Wendell Potter, former executive at Cigna

P.S. My heart goes out to the people of Japan in the wake of this week’s earthquake, tsunami and nuclear melt-down. Don’t give up!

Tonight, I’m at the top of the proverbial mountain. I’ve arrived at the pinnacle.
This is it. Ta-da.
Tomorrow is my birthday, the one that changes everything. It’s the big four-oh.
No, I’m not Sisyphus. There is no huge boulder to roll back downhill, allowing me to start over. My punishment reward is to keep going.
Here’s what I’m blessed with: I’m comfortable in my own skin; I have a strong sense of self; Being 40 is 10 times easier than being 20.
I’ll get through this, even if it kills me.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don’t have time.
Quotation from Tallulah Bankhead

“I was blackballed by seven Pizza joints.” (Sarah Colonna on Youtube)

A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.
Quotation from Maya Angelou

Great news. My office isn’t going to be closed! I’ve suspected this for several months, especially after we got new computers in January. I’m going to continue taking classes though, because I don’t ever want to feel occupationally vulnerable again.

You with the sad eyes don’t be discouraged
I realize it’s hard to take courage
In a world full of people, you can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors and that’s why I love you
Lyric from Cyndi Lauper, True Colors

The United States Constitution established freedom of religion in America in 1791. The right is guaranteed in the First Amendment, along with freedom of the press and freedom of expression. Specifically, it says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” Even though 60% of Americans currently oppose an Islamic Cultural Center near the World Trade Center site, freedom of religion is what makes America different from many other countries. If we deny some people the right to worship the way they please, then the nature of our society will change and none of us will truly be free again.

But let me be clear. As a citizen, and as President, I believe that Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as everyone else in this country. And that includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in Lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances. This is America. And our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakeable. The principle that people of all faiths are welcome in this country and that they will not be treated differently by their government is essential to who we are.
Quotation from President Barack Obama

Water is water is water. Until you mix it with oil. Water and oil do not mix, and that’s a lesson we are learning again and again… and again.
The 10-million gallon Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska 21 years ago isn’t even in the top 30 oil spills of all time. Remember when Iraq opened the spigots on several Kuwaiti oil tankers in 1991? That spill topped 520 million gallons. A rig in Mexico collapsed in 1980 and spilled 30,000 gallons of oil into the ocean every day for a year. Bigger oil spills have occurred in France, Russia, Angola, Canada, Italy and in the Persian Gulf.
The BP Deepwater Horizon oil spill on America’s Gulf coast is “officially” leaking 5,000 gallons a day, but “Steven Wereley, an associate professor of mechanical engineering at Perdue University, told the House Energy and Commerce Committee that by his calculations… the spill appears to be closer to 72,000 barrels per day–or more than 3 million gallons” of oil per day.
Tomorrow, the Deepwater Horizon will become the second worst oil spill in history. There is no good news in this.
My wish is that we could turn oil into water and let fishes be fishes.

The world’s five largest publicly traded oil companies [are] on track to earn more than $100 billion before year’s end. Yet, at the same time that Big Oil’s bottom line is going up, so are Americans’ energy costs.
Quotation from Allyson Schwartz

I hear one message- don’t blame me.
Quotation from Sen. John Barrasso, Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee. (BP blames Transocean Ltd. and Transocean Ltd. blames BP… or maybe it was Halliburton Inc. Some blame the Republicans while others blame President Barack Obama)

What did you wish for? I can’t tell you, because then it won’t come true.
Wishes are the opposite of worries.
I hate asking myself “What’s the worse that can happen?” because I already know.
If I think about them, they might come true. And I’d have nobody to blame but myself.
Mea culpa.

Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Quotation from Arthur Somers Roche

Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
Quotation from Lily Tomlin

If you think fats and oils are at the top of the food chain, you deserve at least partial credit for a correct answer. But bacteria breaks down oil in this rock-paper-scissors game we call Life.

For the first half of geological time, our ancestors were bacteria. Most creatures still are bacteria, and each one of our trillions of cells is a colony of bacteria.
Quotation from Richard Dawkins

Salad bars are like a restaurant’s lungs. They soak up the impurities and bacteria in the environment, leaving you with much cleaner air to enjoy.
Quotation from Doug Coupland

If you don’t change, then what’s the point of anything happening to you?
Another quotation from Doug Coupland

I’m trying to be sensible, but going to work after being told I am going to be laid off is weird. They want me to be committed, but how can you commit when you can’t trust your employer any longer? For another thing, I feel rejected, vulnerable and powerless. I’m being dumped. I want to get angry, but I can’t because I’m suddenly walking on thin ice. I want to grieve, but I can’t do that either. I have to go to work tomorrow; I’ll go to work until they tell me not to come in again.

Are you being given impossible jobs with no chance of success? This one is underhanded, which is why it’s so popular. The company may need a big reason to give you the boot, especially if you’ve done everything right and are the life and soul of your department. Enter the impossible task. “Ahh Wilkins, we need you to expand our new line of warm, alcohol-free beers to construction workers.”
Quotation from Paul Michael, You’re Fired! 20 Signs That a Pink Slip is Coming