I’ve always wondered. There is no place to turn around once you are on the bridge, not that anyone would want to. But if you don’t have the money to pay the bridge toll (“I’m sorry, I left my purse at home”), what could they do to you?
You know what it is? San Francisco is a golden handcuff with the key thrown away.
Quotation from John Steinbeck
One day if I do go to Heaven, I’ll look around and say, ‘It ain’t bad, but it ain’t San Francisco.’
Quotation from Herb Caen
It was Al Bundy on the television show Married With Children that ruined it. He burned into the American consciousness the impression that only fat women wear muumuus. In reality, the muumuu is comfortable to wear in hot weather because it hangs loosely from the shoulders, much like the roomy Hawaiian shirt for men.
I don’t want to look like a weirdo. I’ll just go with a muumuu.
Quotation from Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
I hate the supermarket. I always wind up in the two-thousand-items-or-less aisle behind some ugly lady in a muumuu and curlers.
Quotation from Al Bundy, Married With Children
I hate when something is advertised as “FREE” but you have to buy something to get it, as in: Buy 4 and get the 5th one free. It’s not free, it’s a conditional discount.
“But you said buy two and get the third one free.”
“No, I clearly stated buy three and get two, and the sign says No Refunds or Returns on Sale Merchandise.”
“But that doesn’t make sense.”
“Dear, I couldn’t state it any clearer.”
The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.
Quotation from Gloria Steinem
The receptionist in charge of the bathroom key got laid off some months ago, so I now possess my personal bathroom key, which is a huge improvement in my work environment. But last weekend, somebody broke into our building. We had to change all the locks, including the lock to the door of the bathroom. I am pleased to report the toilet remains safe and secure from intruders.
Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.
Quotation from William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure
When day broke, I used immediately to sweep my room out; and though I am by nature a lover of cleanliness, at that time I kept myself unusually spick and span. After sweeping up, I made my bed as daintily as I could, laying flowers upon it, which a Savoyard used to bring me nearly every morning. He had the care of the cistern and the casks, and also amused himself with carpentering; it was from him I stole the pincers which I used in order to draw out the nails from the holdfasts of the hinges.
Quotation from Benvenuto Cellini, Autobiography (on planning his escape from prison)
Consider donating blood to your local blood bank. It’s life giving. Afterwards, they give you cookies.
She loves blood-red poppies for a garden to walk in.
In a loose white gown she walks
and a new child tugs at cords in her body.
Her head to the west at evening when the dew is creeping,
A shudder of gladness runs in her bones and torsal fiber:
She loves blood-red poppies for a garden to walk in.
Poem by Carl Sandburg, Poppies
Do you feel like trying something dangerous “until it scares me?” Whether it’s roller coasters, mountain climbing or walking alone at night, we believe we can debark, return from the path we have taken and turn the key to our homes, safe and magically invulnerable. We think “It won’t happen to me.”
It is no more common for vampires to be psychopaths or killers than it is for any random person on the street. However, a prolonged, or very involved, relationship with a vampire can put a severe strain on the emotional and psychic energy systems of an ordinary person.
Quotation from Inanna Arthen, Real Vampires (EarthSpirit.com)
I invented a new game to play. It’s called Name Something.
Begin the game by saying “Name something you don’t leave…”
Examples: Name something you don’t leave… where your mother can find it.
Name something you don’t leave… in your carry-on luggage at the airport.
Name something you don’t leave… in your medicine cabinet when you have company.
This memo was in today’s interoffice email: “If you don’t use your sick days, you will forfeit them at the end of the year.” I naively thought sick days should only be used if you really are sick. Heh.
McKenzie: I tried to talk to her in the coffee room she’s totally not having it.
Tom: Maybe she was just in a hurry.
McKenzie: And maybe she’s an uppity, better-than-everyone super skank.
Quotation from the movie (500) Days of Summer
Dwight Shrute: Dammit, he put my stapler in Jell-O again!
Quotation from television’s The Office
As the days get shorter, I resolve to be taller.
Time drops in decay,
Like a candle burnt out,
And the mountains and woods
Have their day, have their day.
Poem by W.B. Yeats, The Moods
I hate Monday mornings. The alarm clock is unmerciful in its exactness. Oh, what would I do if every morning were Monday, and patience a sin.
There is a time for departure even when there’s no certain place to go.
Quotation from Tennessee Williams
Oatmeal soap once sounded strange to me. I mean, who thinks about putting food in bath soap? But just when you think that nothing in the world will ever surprise you again- Whoomp! There it is! Somebody proves Mankind evolved from fish, Congress passes an affordable healthcare plan and people start believing in world peace. And you realize, far stranger things have happened.
In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.
Quotation from Edward Hoagland
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Quotation from Charles M. Schulz
I heard this at work today: “This is the New Normal.” It was spoken in reference to the increased regulation and oversight under which the financial industry will now operate.
I also heard that former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan said another global financial crisis is inevitable. “The crisis will happen again but it will be different,” he said.
That sure sounds like the “Old Normal” to me.
It’s human nature: unless somebody can find a way to change human nature we will have another crisis.
Quotation from Alan Greenspan
Some people are ambitious. They take big steps. Others are content with whatever life offers them. They take smaller steps. Either way, being valuable and productive still means being able to move your feet. The first step, that giant one that gives you direction, is always the hardest one to make.
Ambition is an expensive impulse, one that requires an enormous investment of emotional capital. Like any investment, it can pay off in countless different kinds of coin. The trick, as any good speculator will tell you, is recognizing the riches when they come your way.
Quotation from Ambition: Why Some People Are Most Likely To Succeed (Time Magazine)
P.S. No matter what it is you do, if you do it well enough, you can make money at it.
Final note: The wine industry is very, very big in California.
When you lose direction (velocity), you’re susceptible to Zitterbewegung, or that jittery existence between positive and negative energy. Some call it ambivalence, others describe it as lethargy. It’s not being able to move in any direction.
What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can’t move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn’t been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won’t be troubling you much longer.
Quotation from Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
You may have noticed fewer updates to Encore Seraphine lately. I’m lethargic, exhausted, depressed. My chest hurts and my throat burns. I dread turning off the lights at night to (try to) sleep. My blood, urine and xrays are all normal. The doctor thinks it’s likely stress, so he’s given me the antianxiety drug Ativan. I’ve given up coffee and chocolate. I’m not visiting my friend’s blogs like I should. I feel like I’m letting everyone down: my readers, my friends, my spouse, even (especially) myself. I’d like my life back. Haven’t you felt that way too?
Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.
Quotation from Richard Carlson
(1) When it burns, stop running. (2) Put a billfold in your mouth so you don’t bite your tongue. (3) Tie a balloon around your waist with string and roll until the balloon breaks. (4) Don’t pee on a jellyfish sting. Pour vinegar on it instead.
On a large enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
Quotation from Chuck Palahniuk