Thank you everyone for your comments and wonderful words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me. The staples came out yesterday. I’m home now. Just don’t make me laugh.
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Archive for June, 2009
23 items.
Fewer than 4% of people between the ages of 30 and 40 get gallstone polyps. Women are 3x less likely to get them than men. About 5% of the time, the surgeon needs to switch from a small laparoscopic navel incision to open surgery through a huge incision on the right side just under the ribs. Am I lucky, or what?
I’m in the hospital tomorrow, so my comics might be irregular for a few days. Not that they are like “regular comics” anyway.
Surgeons usually fantasize about wild and improbable surgeries. Someone collapses in a restaurant, you splice them open with a butter knife, replace a valve with a hollowed out stick of carrot– but every now and then some other kind of fantasy slips in. Most of our fantasies resolve when we wake, vanished to the back of our mind, but sometimes we’re sure if we try hard enough– we can live the dream.
Quotation from Grey’s Anatomy, Sometimes a Fantasy
When you see a taggy daggy (shirt tag sticking up), do you stop strangers on the street and tell them?
I base most of my fashion sense on what doesn’t itch.
Quotation from Gilda Radner
The reform protestors were likened (by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) to sports fans over-reacting to a lost soccer game.
Mir-Hossein Mousavi ‘ready for martyrdom’ as Iranians defy Supreme Leader (Telegraph UK)
The study showed that in two provinces where Mr. Ahmadinejad won a week ago, a turnout of more than 100 percent was recorded.
Quotation from Chatham House, a London-based research organization
How is it that one can have lots of friends, and still be lonely? I miss Northie, who is hardly online anymore. I miss Chase, who “disappeared” when she had her baby. And I miss my father, who died in 1994.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Quotation from Spike Milligan
You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s.
Quotation from Robert Frost
Hello. Do you have any Weed & Feed?
Pardon me, ma’am?
It prevents seeds from germinating, but it’s good for wood.
Have you tried mulching?
Oh! he has trampled me
Under his feet, and made the blood stream down
My pallid cheeks. And he has given us all
Ditch-water, and the fever-stricken flesh
Of buffaloes, and bade us eat or starve,
And we have eaten.
Quotation from Percy Bysshe Shelley, The Cenci: A Tragedy in Five Acts
This is the time of the Strawberry Moon. But if a spell is necessary, don’t become overly reliant on the phase of the moon. The Moon is just one influence on how you live your life.
The three nights before the New Moon are known as the Dark of the Moon. As energies are uncertain and unpredictable at this time, casting spells in this period is not advised.
Quotation from MoonSlipper.com
The most valuable thing I have learned from life is to regret nothing.
Quotation from Somerset Maugham
It’s not me. It’s my alien hand. In fact, sometimes my whole body feels alien.
Gwen: I’m sorry George.
George: I don’t understand. Things were going so great. What happened? Something must have happened.
Gwen: It’s not you, it’s me.
George: You’re giving me the “it’s not you, it’s me” routine? I invented “it’s not you, it’s me”. Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.
Gwen: All right, George, it’s you.
George: You’re damn right it’s me.
Quotation from Seinfeld Episode 70, The Lip Reader
Alien Hand Syndrome (DamnInteresting.com) The alien hand may undo buttons or tear clothes while the sufferer is completely unaware of what the hand is doing.
Keeping hydrated is crucial to one’s health, because getting up to pee is the only exercise some people get while using the computer. But if you find yourself sitting in wetness, turn the computer off and get help immediately. You’re addicted.
Backward, flow backward, O tide of the years!
I am so weary of toil and of tears,
Toil without recompense, tears all in vain,
Take them, and give me my childhood again!
Poem by Elizabeth Akers Allen, Rock Me to Sleep
According to the Oxford Dictionary of Rhymes, these are words that rhyme with Vagina: Dinner, Grinner, Stamina, Determiner, Prizewinner, Angina, Incliner, Maligner, Prisoner, Foreigner and Whiner. (Encyclopedia.com)
Silence of the lambs – Dr. Lecter Dialogues with Starling (YouTube) Are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself?
Girls just know this stuff: Keep your knees together. Don’t get drunk (in public). Dress with respect. Remember to write thank-yous.
“The Recently Deflowered Girl” – Illustrated by Edward Gorey (Joey deVilla’s Personal Blog) You say: Come to think of it, even ordinary lichee nuts make me dizzy.
In Gorean mythology it is said that there was once a war between men and women and that the women lost, and that the Priest-Kings, not wishing the women to be killed, made them beautiful, but as the price of this gift decreed that they, and their daughters, to the end of time, would be the slaves of men.
Quotation from John Norman, Dancer of Gor
Caution: Love may be hazardous to your health. It can cause headaches, dizzinesss, weakness, nausea, vertigo and stomach aches. Love is highly addictive; Studies have shown that Love can be harder to quit than heroin or cocaine. Your children are twice as likely to Love if you do.
Cigarettes sold in Canada must display warnings which take up 50% of the principal display space. (Physicians for a Smoke-Free Canada)
Great passions, my dear, don’t exist: they’re liars fantasies. What do exist are little loves that may last for a short or a longer while.
Quotation from Anna Magnani
They say “close” only counts in hand grenades and horseshoes. It also counts in slow dancing, I suppose. And Petanque.
What is Petanque? (Wikipedia) The goal is, while standing with the feet together in a small circle, to throw hollow metal balls as close as possible to a small wooden ball called a cochonnet (jack).
You should then offer them your oldest, most battered set of 3 rusty, odd boules, of vastly different weights and sizes, insisting they play with them.
Quotation from Ray Ager, New Boules (Petanque.org)
I believe life exists wherever life is possible.
Garfield Minus Garfield A site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle.
Alien Presence on the Moon? (UFO Casebook) According to the NASA Astronaut Neil Armstrong, the aliens have a base on the Moon and they told us in no uncertain terms to get off and stay off!
Everyone all come free (or Ollie oxen free) calls all players in after a game of hide-and-seek. But when i got older, the challenge was finding myself.
People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.
Quotation from Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin
Everyone sings songs wrong. The best songs come from the heart -or from depraved minds.
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school.
We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule.
Childhood version of Battle Hymn of the Republic
On top of spaghetti,
All covered with cheese,
I lost my poor meatball,
When somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table,
And on to the floor,
And then my poor meatball,
Rolled out of the door.
Childhood version of On Top Of Old Smoky
Americans have many clever sayings: Put your shoulder to the wheel; Carry an albatross around your neck; Eat your heart out. It must sound very strange to non-native speakers. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over three million households are linguistically isolated in America.
My career never suffered from my not being skinny. I never did catwalk work because I was always too big. I couldn’t get the clothes over my hips.
Quotation from Heidi Klum
I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing.
Quotation from Mae West
A friend of mine suggested that Encore Seraphine tell some jokes.
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
Quotation from George Carlin
I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.
Quotation from Rodney Dangerfield
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Cows Go. Cows Go who? No, Cows Go Moooo!
Be aware: In California, calling 911 for non-emergency reasons can lead to fines as high as $200 per call. If you steal my animal crackers, I will call 911.
Aloha man calls 9-1-1 over botched fast-food order (OregonLive.com) He called to complain that McDonald’s left out a box of orange juice from his drive-thru order.
It was announced yesterday that General Motors struck a deal to sell their Hummer brand to China’s Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery. Unless they plan to sell jeeps to the Chinese military, who will buy them? Suckers.
Why People Love to Hate the Hummer (Newsweek) “We asked a Toyota of Santa Monica dealer to evaluate what a Hummer like ours would get in trade for a Prius. He said he would probably only make the deal if we paid him $25,000, which is, ahem, about the price of a Prius.”
It’s said “As General Motors goes, so goes America.” It’s as true today as it was in 1953, when GM President Charles Wilson declared before Congress that what was good for the country was good for GM and vice versa. Having too much debt and a muddled bureaucracy finally brought GM down.
Blog: The Chevrolet Citation would slot seventh on the definitive list of automotive awfulness. (CarLustBlog.com)
People think of the inventor as a screwball, but no one ever asks the inventor what he thinks of other people.
Quotation from Charles F. Kettering, Manager of Research, General Motors
My neighbor got remarried. I accidentally called his new wife Kelly. Why didn’t he marry an Emma or a Riley, instead of someone whose name is so close to his ex-wife’s name? Doh!
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Quotation from Bill Cosby
Here lies one whose name was writ in water.
Quotation from the tombstone of John Keats