Archive for December, 2008

21 items.

The Biggest Ponzi Scheme in History is Happening Right Now

by Seraphine Khorana on December 31st, 2008
Posted In: Comics
The Biggest Ponzi Scheme in History is Happening Right Now

Mr. Madoff’s alleged “investment” scheme failed, as all Ponzi’s must, wiping out thousands of people who trusted him including charities, banks, schools and municipalities. This adage is true: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, no matter how closely you watch it. Especially, don’t let this happen to you by relying solely on Social Security for your retirement income. It might not be there when you need it.

You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.
Poem from Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go

I’ll be in Costa Rica the next few days. But DO keep coming back. I have some special comics scheduled while I’m gone. Wishing you a Very Happy 2009.

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There is no such thing as a free nickle

by Seraphine Khorana on December 29th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
There is no such thing as a free nickle

Now that nobody has any money left, everything is on sale. It isn’t fair. What idiot scheduled Christmas before everything goes on markdown? Officials should declare the first Sunday every January as “Boomerang Christmas” (for presents and family gift giving), leaving December 25th for more spiritual celebrations.

If we can afford tremendous sums of money to win the war, we can afford to invest whatever amount it takes to win the peace.
Quotation from Henry Wallace, US Vice President from 1941 to 1945

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Hiccups Have No Useful Function

by Seraphine Khorana on December 27th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Hiccups Have No Useful Function

It’s only a few days until my trip to Costa Rica. I’ve drilled into my mind what I need to pack, but I still forget things whenever I travel. Yes, I’m taking several packets of sugar with me. I’m going to drink lots of wine and look at birds. I hope I remember to hiccup in Spanish. Hipo!

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient’s friends.
Quotation from Bill Watterson The Complete Calvin and Hobbes (by Hobbes)

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The Big Surf

by Seraphine Khorana on December 26th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
The Big Surf

In spite of my worries, Christmas was a success. I’d stop worrying, but it’s my nature to be anxious.

Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
Quotation from George Santayana

We can learn from history how past generations thought and acted, how they responded to the demands of their time and how they solved their problems. We can learn by analogy, not by example, for our circumstances will always be different than theirs were. The main thing history can teach us is that human actions have consequences and that certain choices, once made, cannot be undone.
Quotation from Gerda Lerner

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The Ghost of Christmas Present

by Seraphine Khorana on December 24th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
The Ghost of Christmas Present

The tree is decorated, the gifts are wrapped and I have pumpkin bread baking in the oven. May your Christmas be filled with warmth, love and peace. Even if you don’t believe in Santa Claus.

My Christmas gifts were few: to one
A fan, to keep love’s flame alive,
Since even to the constant sun
Twilight and setting must arrive;
And to another—she who sent
That splendid toy, an empty purse—
I gave, though not for satire meant,
An emptier thing—a scrap of verse.
Poem by Thomas William Parsons, To a Lady With a Head of Diana

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Shoveling Pay Dirt

by Seraphine Khorana on December 23rd, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Shoveling Pay Dirt

There’s nowhere to put the dirt. We open gifts on Christmas eve but they’re not wrapped and the tree is only half decorated. I was with Dell support today for two precious hours troubleshooting a computer problem. I need to bake bread and zucchini cake. I want to feel Christmassy, but I’m in a deep, deep hole right now.

Farm Program Pays $1.3 Billion to People Who Don’t Farm (Washington Post)
Debate Topic: The US should abolish agricultural subsidies (International Debate Education Association)

He asked if I would sell my Christmas trees;
My woods the young fir balsams like a place
Where houses all are churches and have spires.
I hadn’t thought of them as Christmas trees.
Poem by Robert Frost, Christmas Trees

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Last Tree on the Lot Version #2

by Seraphine Khorana on December 22nd, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Last Tree on the Lot Version #2

This is alternate version #2 of Last Tree on the Lot. The original version was yesterday’s comic. I couldn’t decide which comic was more interesting. Which do YOU like better, this version or the previous version?
By the way, we got our tree yesterday. It was raining so we got a good price on it.

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The Last Tree on the Lot

by Seraphine Khorana on December 20th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
The Last Tree on the Lot

I worry I haven’t done enough for Christmas. I meant to get a tree Friday, but I ran out of time. I’m worried about money. Did I buy enough presents? What if I lose my job? It’s important to me not to disappoint anyone. We’ll get the tree tomorrow, together.

Earlier Saturday, protesters attacked a city-sponsored Christmas tree in central Athens, tossing garbage and hanging trash bags from its branches before clashing with riot police.
Quotation from Demetris Nellas, Associated Press, reporting from Greece

Moving between the legs of tables and of chairs,
Rising or falling, grasping at kisses and toys,
Advancing boldly, sudden to take alarm,
Retreating to the corner of arm and knee,
Eager to be reassured, taking pleasure
In the fragrant brilliance of the Christmas tree…
Poem by T.S. Eliot, Animula

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HTTP500 – Internal Server Error

by Seraphine Khorana on December 18th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
HTTP500 – Internal Server Error

This is my 500th comic.

The safest road to Hell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.
Quotation from C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

I thank all who have loved me in their hearts,
With thanks and love from mine. Deep thanks to all
Who paused a little near the prison-wall
To hear my music in its louder parts
Ere they went onward, each one to the mart’s
Or temple’s occupation, beyond call.
But thou, who, in my voice’s sink and fall
When the sob took it, thy divinest Art’s
Own instrument didst drop down at thy foot
To hearken what I said between my tears,
Instruct me how to thank thee! Oh, to shoot
My soul’s full meaning into future years,
That they should lend it utterance, and salute
Love that endures, from Life that disappears!
Poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sonnets from the Portuguese

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The Unlimited Access Plan

by Seraphine Khorana on December 17th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
The Unlimited Access Plan

My wireless company says they subsidize the cost of my phone, and therefore are justified in raising the rate I pay for their service. But when my phone is paid for, they don’t correspondingly lower my bill. In fact, I’m still paying for the phone I “bought” six years ago.

Moralities, ethics, laws, customs, beliefs, doctrines—these are of trifling import. All that matters is that the miraculous become the norm.
Quotation from Henry Miller, The World of Sex

Clients know that Bernard Madoff has a personal interest in maintaining the unblemished record of value, fair-dealing, and high ethical standards…
Quotation from Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC website
Bernard Madoff Redefines the Ponzi Scheme (Live Science)

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Taking the Lump from Santa Claus

by Seraphine Khorana on December 16th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Taking the Lump from Santa Claus

I got to sit on Santa’s lap yesterday. I hate being skeptical, but I noticed a walker stashed behind his chair. On reflection, though, I think he was The Real Santa Claus. Who else tells you it’s possible to make diamonds from coal? I believe him.

We were conspirators,
secret actors,
and I kissed you
because I was tall enough.
But that is over.
The era closes
and large children hang their stockings
and build a black memorial to you.
And you, you fade out of sight
like a lost signalman
wagging his lantern
for the train that comes no more.
Poem from Anne Sexton, Santa

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Deep Pocket Santa

by Seraphine Khorana on December 14th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Deep Pocket Santa

Since I’m on Santa’s Naughty List this year, I don’t want to waste the last couple of weeks before 2009 being virtuous. No no no no no.
Are you on Santa’s Nice list? Or have you been Naughty too?

“Scared of Santa” Photo Gallery (ChicagoTribune.com)
Adults Only: Gibbet Cage A pre-19th century style raw steel cage with four hex-head screw closures and a large suspending ring. (Fettered Pleasures)

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Dancer, Prancer, Vixen

by Seraphine Khorana on December 13th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Dancer, Prancer, Vixen

I miss childhood innocence. I blame myself for my corruption because I couldn’t wait to grow up. I wanted to be 13, then 16, then 18, then 21 years old. I told people I was two years older than I really was. Once you give up believing in Santa Claus, nothing is convincingly “pretend real” anymore.

Mommy, Is Santa Real? (Quazen.com)
Talk to Santa at the Milk & Cookies Bar (MightySanta.com)

Then I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
What a laugh it would have been
If daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.
Lyric from Jessica Simpson, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

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As Good as Gold

by Seraphine Khorana on December 11th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
As Good as Gold

When dollars were first printed in the United States, they weren’t considered money. They were Promissary Notes backed by gold or silver coins. Now it seems, cowry shells (the shell most commonly used worldwide as currency) may have more value than the once almighty dollar.
I feel like sitting on a beach and watching a pretty sunset.

Bernard Madoff arrested over alleged $50 billion fraud (Reuters)

The last time as ever i see him, poor thing, was with my own blessed motherly eyes,
Sitting as good as gold in the gutter, a playing at making little dirt pies.
Poem from The Poetical Works of Thomas Hood

A wind has started a little whirlpool
of sand where the carpet ought to be,
and shells lie
by the preposterous feet
of that woman who frets me, annihilates me,
O’ she will kill me yet.
Poem from Hilda Doolittle, Halcyon

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Don’t let your sweet dreams bite you on the ass

by Seraphine Khorana on December 10th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Don’t let your sweet dreams bite you on the ass

I hate having bad dreams. Usually, I can tell them to go away but still they sneak up on me. I know subconsciously we learn to master our fears through dreaming. I know too, just as planes crash and cities get buried under mud, sometimes nightmares are real. They scare me.

Slideshow: Don’t Let the Bed Bugs Bite (eMedicineHealth.com)
Night Terrors Resource Center (NightTerrors.org)

I was like a social worker for lepers. My clients had a chunk of their body they wanted to give away; for a price I was there to receive it. Crimes, sins, nightmares, hunks of hair: it was surprising how many of them has something to dispose of. The more I charged, the easier it was for them to breathe freely once more.
Quotation from Tama Janowitz, Slaves of New York

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Love is a Strange Blend

by Seraphine Khorana on December 8th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Love is a Strange Blend

Yin asked me to tell you, Jenny, that she loves you
and she’s sorry. She didn’t sleep last night, and she
waited for you, and she waited and she waited…

I was led into love with an eager palm,
full of life and vigour and youth.
I was shunted from love with the back of the hand,
careless, selfish and uncouth.
The winds do moan as the trees howl from their roots
and the days grow cold, as the nights grow fierce
with the remembrance of the lover’s previous hold
and the bittersweet tear for the wisdom untold.
Poem by Claudia Fitzgerald,
“Who so loves, believes the impossible.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Quotation from Ingrid Bergman

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If Pressure Made Diamonds, I’d be Rich

by Seraphine Khorana on December 7th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
If Pressure Made Diamonds, I’d be Rich

I have one eye on a goal, but my other eye wanders. It finds ideas to ponder and pieces of paper, interesting things on television, loading the dishwasher because we’re out of spoons. Can’t I put off Christmas until January?

20 Strategies to Defeat the Urge to Do Useless Tasks (Zen Habits)

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
Quotation from Mark Twain

We shall never have more time. We have, and always had, all the time there is.
Quotation from Arnold Bennett

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Proud to be on Santa’s Naughty List

by Seraphine Khorana on December 6th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Proud to be on Santa’s Naughty List

I’ve never liked people who were “Goody-Goody” because I could never live up to their standards. And that’s the point: why are their standards necessarily better than mine, especially in matters that shouldn’t concern them? If they think I’m naughty, it’s their problem.
*Note to Santa: If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you.

No one’s gonna tell me
What’s wrong or what’s right
Or tell me who to eat with sleep with
Or that I’ve won the big fight
Song by Adam Ant, Goody Two Shoes

Virtue cannot separate itself from reality without becoming a principle of evil.
Quotation from Albert Camus, Moderation and Excess

I make a virtue of my suffering.
Quotation from Robert Frost, New Hampshire

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The Evolution of a Barter Economy

by Seraphine Khorana on December 4th, 2008
Posted In: Comics
The Evolution of a Barter Economy

Over $2 trillion in soon-to-be-lowered credit card limits will cause home prices to drop another 20% over the next 18 months, according to Oppenheimer analyst Meredith Whitney. By withdrawing 45% of the bank credit currently available to consumers, Whitney believes “forced consumer de-leveraging” will require more capital injections, exacerbating the liquidity freeze that is paralyzing the world. “The severe consequence of this cannot be overstated,” she says.
Hold on to your hats.

Next Stage Of Credit Freeze May Hit Home Prices, Credit Cards (Morningstar)

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited reliance upon human promises? That is a peculiar condition of society which enables a whole nation to instantly recognize point and meaning in the familiar newspaper anecdote, which puts into the mouth of a distinguished speculator in lands and mines this remark: ”I wasn’t worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions of dollars.”
Quotation from Mark Twain, The Gilded Age

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Coffee is God

by Seraphine Khorana on December 3rd, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Coffee is God

The variable that stimulates my explorative tendencies (such as variety seeking, risk taking, and curiosity-motivated behaviors) is boredom. That’s a fancy way of saying I get in trouble if I don’t stay busy. The old saw about keeping your eye on the ball and your shoulder to the grindstone is painfully true.
So now three trillion “stimulation” dollars have been spent to keep the world’s economic system from collapsing. The peace dividend earned after the end of the Cold War is gone, mismanaged by fanatics leaders who couldn’t keep their hands busy with honest labor. And boredom has been replaced by worry.
Maybe a government takeover of Starbucks would have been cheaper than bailing out Citigroup. Yeah, I could go for a free cup of coffee. Are you stimulated yet?

Did my widow flit about
From Mackinac to Los Angeles,
Resting and bathing and sitting an hour
Or more at the table over soup and meats
And delicate sweets and coffee?
I was cut down in my prime
From overwork and anxiety.
But I thought all along, whatever happens
I’ve kept my insurance up,
And there’s something in the bank,
And a section of land in Manitoba.
But just as I slipped I had a vision
In a last delirium:
I saw myself lying nailed in a box
With a white lawn tie and a boutonnière,
And my wife was sitting by a window
Some place afar overlooking the sea;
She seemed so rested, ruddy and fat,
Although her hair was white.
And she smiled and said to a colored waiter:
“Another slice of roast beef, George.
Here’s a nickel for your trouble.”
Poem by Edgar Lee Masters, Batterton Dobyns

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Now the Going Gets Tough

by Seraphine Khorana on December 2nd, 2008
Posted In: Comics
Now the Going Gets Tough

It’s going to look sparse under the Christmas tree this year. I already have my gift: a Dell computer. I’ll hang an extra-large stocking on the mantle, in case Santa feels sorry for me.

Scrooge McDuck “Bah! Humbug!” (YouTube.com)

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Quotation from Johnny Carson

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